What will I do next? I am not sure. The nurse is supposed to call me again after speaking with Dr Sawyer tomorrow. The Clomid dosage may be increased to 100mg next time. Typically it is increased by 50mg each time, until you have reached 6 cycles. Most Drs do not recommend taking it more than 6 cycles, ever. I have that to think about and many other things. Maybe I should get another opinion? Maybe I should buy progesterone cream from GNC? Maybe I should ask another Dr about Clomid and Progesterone together or Clomid and Follistim injections or an hcg injection? Maybe I should see an endocrinologist? I never see IVF as an option as it is extremely costly and I would love to adopt one day, but as far as I know, that will be out of reach as well. Military folks don’t get paid near as much as some like to think. It’s hard and exhausting. I may try some all natural things first. I have read that Royal Jelly and Vitex can help. I have the Royal Jelly, but need to order the Vitex. Royal Jelly is made in the queen bee’s nest and Vitex is the Chastleberry plant
I am asked about how PCOS makes me feel and what emotions I go through. Sometimes I feel inferior to other women, I feel like less of a woman. Sometimes I feel like an outcast among family and friends. Since my hormones are always flopping around, I tend to change moods very quickly. I have felt sad, mad, irritable, angry, dumb, bitchy…you name it, I’ve felt it. I have hated myself. I have hated other people. I have hurt so much emotionally, I didn’t know how to get out of bed. I’ve hid my feelings. I’ve been embarrassed. I’ve pushed people away. I’ve pushed myself away. I’ve said things I don’t mean. I’ve hurt people. I’ve been careless, but sometimes I get overly cautious. I don’t trust easily. I deal with anxiety. I deal with depression. I’ve been one of the most negative people I have ever known. I’m rough around the edges. It’s been awful. PCOS has left me forever scarred. There are some things PCOS has taught me. I’ve learned to be stronger and not take advantage of things and not let people take advantage of me. PCOS has also taught me what true patience is. With all bad there is always some good. Sometime it doesn’t feel like and sometimes I lose all hope and faith. For instance, today when I got the call, I temporarily gave up all hope. I wanted to give up, I was done, but that is not going to get me anywhere in life. Sometimes I lose faith in God and I don’t understand why I have to go through this and what I did to be punished with this "invisible heartbreak", this "invisible disease". I know that is no way to go about dealing with this and that is how I am able to bring myself out of the slump. I know deep down inside if I give up, my dreams will die. I am not that person. I know I have a good life and I know it could always be worse. I must accept myself and be happy with what I have and who I am, but always strive to improve. It’s really a ball of emotions and I would never wish this on anyone, ever. I’ve been asked if I am jealous of women who don’t have this or jealous of pregnant women. No, I am not a jealous person. I really am not. I envy women who do not have this, but I am not jealous. If I was jealous, I’d be miserable and I can’t live like that. Jealousy is a very ugly trait and I will not be like that.
No comments:
Post a Comment